first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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