I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
