his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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