Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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