Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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