i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
the raccoons are back...
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