she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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