i just wanna soil my oats bro
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
