I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
