I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
