you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
