Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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