Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
