I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
