That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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