Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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