he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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