no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
