I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
