We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
