Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
