lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
