my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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