How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
