Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
