dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
