i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
