Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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