they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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