if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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