I feel like I'm in dance class right now
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
