She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
