It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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