He disabled his match.com account in front of me
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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