Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
