i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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