my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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