One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
