When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
