She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
