she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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