im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
