I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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