ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
