im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
