um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
