Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
