is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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