i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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