And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
