I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
