I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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