Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
