I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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